This morning on the way to the Y, my son and I were talking in the car (he's six, by the way). He was talking about a friend of his, who he's known his entire life; they were born only 3 months apart. He said, "Mom, I told Victoria we'd be friends forever." I replied, something to the effect of, "That's wonderful, honey!" but really, the certainty and innocence with which it was stated made me cry. Not just then, but also after my workout, and even now as I'm typing this. It sort of reminded me of the end of the Fox and the Hound where this dialogue takes place:
Young Tod: Copper, you're my very best friend.
Young Copper: And you're mine too, Tod.
Young Tod: And we'll always be friends forever. Won't we?
Young Copper: Yeah, forever.
Anyone who knows the story, knows how it turns out. They grow up. Things change. Their friendship changes. And although they may have mutual respect for each other, their friendship isn't and can never be, what it once was.
If there's anything the past two years have taught me, it's that friendships are certainly not forever. In the past two years, I have had friends leave and people who I thought were friends malign me and my husband; I've had incredible, unforeseeable, entirely unimaginable upheaval in relationships which I thought were true, solid and enduring. Not simply acquaintances, but close friends with which I had shared my deepest thoughts and dreams, and had been through much. The circumstances have left relationships damaged beyond recognition, and perhaps beyond repair in this life. Aside from a miracle, I don't see any other way for reconciliation to occur.
Thankfully, a few steadfast friends remain. (You know who you are!) And for them, I thank God!
Even so, I feel walls around my heart that weren't there before, and an hesitancy to trust people, where before I was willing to trust unless a person gave me a reason not to. Now, I feel as if I can't trust unless someone has proven themselves to me.
I suppose today that I'm simply grieving...for what I've lost, for the childlike innocence that my son will also someday lose. But until then, I'm not going to tell him.
The Garth Brooks Dilemma.
11 years ago
1 comment:
Hello Dearest Billie
Your post made me think of one favorite quote from a favorite author, and i know i've mentioned it to you before. here it is again
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,you must guive your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefuly round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable,impenetrable,irredeemable.....the only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers......of love is Hell. C.S. Lewis
I've seen the people who lock up their hearts, and i choose not to .
and i understand about putting a little bubble wrap around your heart. "try" your friends and see if they are worthy to see your heart without the bubble wrap. but also let the wrotten people see that you do have a heart (bubble wrap is a little transparent) mabee they will own the priveledge to see the Gift unwrapped.
Post a Comment